Lessons from ramblin’

It’s been half a year since I embraced the digital nomad life, having now visited daygamed in Medellín, Madrid, Seville and Buenos Aires in that time. From the sets to the language, culture and logistics; it’s been a good 7 months. My company, which was partially remote before the pandemic then become fully remote since, is now calling for us to return to a hybrid work week. I might have some leeway to stick around and continue with my nomadic lifestyle, but I’m ready to jump ship if they push for it. Here’s why.

The Daygame

The three most common ways of meeting girls are through bars/clubs, dating apps and day time approaches. Perhaps there’s a fourth based on fashioning an Instagram profile to mimic a lavish celebrity, but I’ll ignore it since the implication is that the girl trades her body for a luxurious experience on the guy’s dime. Krauser calls it “adventure sex” vs “validation sex”; and I lean “adventure”.

Bars and clubs, though they may be a reliable stomping ground for finding attractive girls and developing strong social skills¹, it doesn’t fit my lifestyle. I prefer dawn to dusk, and work a corporate job with meetings during standard-ish business hours. I like to train jiu jitsu in the evenings (more on this later). I like to keep a steady, predictable schedule. In many ways, I’m the exact antithesis of the impulsive, free-wheeling Chad when we think of a player.

Though daygame and apps both allow for a man with banal routines to seek out attractive women, I rarely match with the quality I’ve gotten from daygame, with the only exception being my matches, and subsequent dates, in Medellín. All that’s left then, is daygame; it’s the only option.

This limits my fellow Americans to a small number of urban cities where we mostly pick between Chicago and NYC. NYC has been rough for me; it takes a lot of approaches to find success. The best daygamer for whom I can vouch does better than me, but it’s still an unwelcoming grind. Midwest wrote about his take on the London Daygame Model applied to suburban America where he was approaching in grocery stores and malls. But ultimately, everyone I know in the US has a partial exit strategy to find the girls they want.

Which brings me to remote work. Sure, we get the economic arbitrage of spending USD outside of the US–and boy is it nice to spend less than half of what I used to on food and shelter–but the primary benefit is that the quality of women that is accessible is a full step higher. To quantify it, here’s an estimate of my approach rate across different cities:

NYC – 1 approach every 90 minutes
Medellín – every 90 minutes
Buenos Aires – every 60 minutes
London – every 45 minutes
Madrid – every 30 minutes

I apply a personalized pre-approach filter (see Daygame Infinite by Krauser), so it could vary for other guys. And it’s not just the approach rate that’s generally better outside the US, it’s the overall experience of wandering the streets chatting up girls. I get so many soft blowouts (“thanks for the compliment, but I gotta go!”) and so few conversations in NYC that it’s an unenjoyable experience. There is no “joy of daygame”. But once I leave these here fine States, I have more and better conversations. Maybe it’s the shiny effect of being a foreigner and a rambler, but who am I to deny the advantage?

I expect my experiences with daygame will only improve as I continue my travels, especially when I make it out to the Promise Land of Eastern Europe.

Language and culture

The more I study and practice Spanish, the more I realize how nearly impossible it is to reach native-level fluency. I also realize that that level of skill is unnecessary. I’m around B1 proficiency, which means I can have full conversations with people who are patient and willing to work with me. As far as dating goes, it means if the girl is interested, she’ll make the effort and I don’t often lose girls due to the language barrier (in Latin America at least, not so much in Spain).

I always open in English, usually with the “I hope you speak English” bit spoken slowly with intent shown in my eyes and grins so girls know what’s up even without understanding the words. Girls typically say yes, whether or not it’s true–I reckon they all take some level of english classes in school. Then I slowly deliver my compliment/tease, holding strong eye contact and scanning their face for signals wether or not they truly understand me. I’d say about 50% of girls here in Buenos Aires do, with the other 50% giving me a “deer in headlights” look. When I get that look, I switch over to my crappy Spanish–which seems to be a fine path of least resistance in Latin America given that our conversation typically continue from this point. In Spain, however, I got the opposite effect. Whereas speaking broken in Spanish in Latin America contributes to attraction and comfort, in Spain it just makes me appear incoherent as though I’m suffering from a speech impediment.

I can’t help but think that there are some cultural effects at play here. I could mull over some causes, and it’s a fun little thought experiment to do so, but ultimately I’m after the effects so I can optimize accordingly. In Spain, this meant sticking to my English guns, whereas in Latin America, it means I double down on my Duolingo lessons. We talk about calibration a lot in the community; this is just another layer of doing so to account for cultural differences and I look forward to applying it across my future travels.

Health and exercise

I’ve gained a lot from putting in the hours on the jiu jitsu mats. It’s a fantastic form of exercise that’s just as mentally stimulating. Often times, we compare jiu jitsu to chess, where it’s a game of thinking through multiple steps ahead. For every attack, there’s a counter, and it’s all position based. The other day, I was in a strong position to take the choke, my partner/opponent left a suspicious opening that would help me solidify the position. I waited a moment before taking it, and sure enough, they hit me with a counter that would fail for most body types. But kudos to them.

For the vagrant, the gyms also provide a community away from home, so it’s not so difficult to evade feelings of loneliness.

There are sacrifices though. Jiu jitsu takes a toll on my time and body. Between evening practices and having perpetually hurt muscles and joints, I don’t have as much time as I’d like for other things. So I made a decision to take a break from the mats.

In place of jiu jitsu, I picked up strength training using resistance bands and am dedicating more time to daygame. The goal is to strengthen up my hurt joints and muscles, build a larger frame and get in more approaches. Broadly speaking, I plan to focus on daygame when the daygame is good, and on jiu jitsu when it’s no so much.

Regarding resistance band training, I got the idea from Jake Nomada then learned different exercises from YouTube videos by Jeff Cavelier and James Grage. It’s debatable how effective these exercises will be to build muscle; I’ll play around with it for a few months to see what I can get from it.

Taxes and resiliency

To prepare for this life across multiple time zones, I switched my professional role half a year ago to something more technical. The result is that I’m in less meetings with more job opportunities that offer remote work with flexible hours. I’d rather not test the job market, but I’m in a better position today then I was 8 months ago. It also took a lot of work; it wasn’t uncommon for me to work nights or weekends to complete my tasks because of how much I had to learn (and I’m still learning) to get them done.

When I left NYC, I was able to reduce my tax obligations by 10% of my income. This serves as a nice little substitute to a raise, since otherwise I work in a field that isn’t so hot right now and pay increases are uncommon at the moment. Since I travel a lot, it helped to set up a virtual mailbox so I could access my physical mail while I’m away from home, which especially comes in handy when working through yearly taxes.

Although more and more companies are calling for the end of remote work, including mine–though with leeway, I don’t expect the opportunities to run out. Some companies are willing to meet their employees in between and allow for domestic travel. To protect against this I got a little travel router and set up a WireGuard VPN on it that routes from the US. Ultimately, these companies are concerned about taxes and data breaches. Since I’m not a resident of any other country, and I’m traveling on a tourist visa, it doesn’t apply to me; but why go the pain of explaining this to HR when the VPN adds a layer of protection for both of us.

It also helps to have a non-virtual US based phone number on hand, especially when some apps and banks use this as part of their login authentication. I use a calling plan from Google Fi, but they limit international data, for which I instead us Airalo and set up dual SIM on my iPhone. It was a pain to understand how this works, but the convenience more than returns the effort…mostly. Sometimes Airalo data speeds are shit.

To minimize bank fees, I signed up for a Schwab Investment/Checking account which has 0% foreign transactions fees, works with Zelle, offers decent exchange rates and refunds all ATM withdrawal fees. I use this method to get cash; every other means I found to exchange USD for local currency is a steep rip off. I make most transactions with my Chase Sapphire Preferred credit card, which has a solid ROI on purchases and provides up to 10% discounts when booking flights from their crappy, but functioning rewards website if you use points. I reckon I’ve saved about $1000 on fees, discounts and cash back rewards over the last half year with these two accounts.

Wings

I enjoy daygame sessions with a good wing. It’s an opportunity to share war stories, ideas about game, pick up each others vibe, and generally shoot the shit. It’s the brotherhood alongside the hunt.

By far, the best way to meet wings is through wings of wings. The second best way is through blogs and Twitter since you can vet each other’s mentality and vibe beforehand. Everything else is a roll of roulette. That includes meeting a wing on the street during a session, through a forum or a group chat.

I was very fortunate to have met Mr. V and Runner on the streets before I hit 100 sets. They were the 5th or so wings I’d had met; and for the most part I preferred to go solo until I met them since I hadn’t had similar values to the wings I previously met. I still remember how I had a big-ass goofy smile and an annoyingly large amount of energy when I met them; but I was honest and sincere and a fellow LDM practitioner. So despite the many rough edges around my social skills, they took me in as a wing. It was a big deal.

Nowadays when I meet wings, the number one reason I don’t reach out to them for a follow up session is a combination of insincerity and their frame control tactics. I’ll accept the goofy, happy-go-lucky awkward kid at my side, but when people talk over me, disagree to statements I make about my experiences (this one is oddly common, even though it’s a logically impossible fallacy), walk in front of me, lean into me so I’m walking off track, or lie about their success (it’s obvious when the wing has bad eye contact, fidgeting movements, and inconsistent story-telling), I’ll politely join you for that existing session but will be aloof to any follow up texts. These aren’t game skills, these are general social skills.

I’d recommend reading the section on wing rules in Daygame Infinite (can’t get away from it, can we!) for a more in-depth description of wing etiquette if you’re new to all this. The punchline is: chill out, enjoy the session, and be a kind.

If you suffer from poor social skills in general, check out The Charisma Myth by Olivia Cabane and How to Talk to Anyone by Leil Lowndes.

1000 and counting

I hit my thousandth lifetime set here in Buenos Aires, and all it took was 3.5 years. In celebration, I offer my lifetime stats:

I’ll start with the date:lay multiplier of 3.4. This means for that every 3-4 first dates I have, I’ll get 1 lay. It’s not bad, there’s certainly room for improvement, but it’s a good indication that the value I’ve delivered up to the date is consistent with what the girl expects. I’m not losing girls due to false advertising in the set then facing buyers remorse when they come out. I think it was Krasuer that said in one of his books that the date is where you cannot hide; if you don’t have value as a man there’s no getting around it whereas during a daygame set you can sell a different version of yourself. So my takeaway is: I deliver on the SMV I promise during the approach and lead the encounter towards sex in a reasonable manner.

Another way to put is that I’m better versed in multiple birdsongs. I can better tune my dates towards what individual girls wants. The teasing, comfort, escalation are more automated; I don’t have to take 4 bathroom breaks to think about when I should bounce or go for the first kiss attempt. I’m better at pacing along the optimal region of a girls comfort zone. In short, I’ve learned empathy. I’ve learned how to probe for her instantaneous feelings and how to act upon it. There’s certainly room to improve; I’m directionally correct, but perhaps not optimally correct.

Let’s move up the funnel and look at the multipliers of contacts (number or instagram) and dates I get. These ratios of 7.0 and 5.9 are at the lower end, indicating that I’m not building enough initial attraction to generate interest amongst the girls I approach. With these 1000 sets under my belt, and the fact that I can generally convert my dates, it’s best to consider the gap in ratios alongside the old Game vs SMV categories.

If Game is the psychological side to seduction, SMV is the physical. Given that I do alright on dates, but my ratios at the top of the funnel lag, I believe the most efficient route towards improving my daygame is to focus on SMV. What this means in practical terms is to build a more muscular frame. In my opinion, I do best by having a simplistic look with a slight edge, and a more distinct jaw line will do me more good then adding tattoos (of which I have none) or embellishments to my attire. This point goes back to my break from jiu jitsu; although each practice is a heavy workout, it isn’t an efficient way to build muscles. So for the moment, I’ll turn to strength training. This was not a decision I made lightly; I created a nice little decision matrix to help me see the forest from the trees. And yes, I’m a blue belt so let the “blue belt blues” memes fly.

Eastern Europe or bust

I’ll stick around Buenos Aires for a few more weeks. As far as I can tell, it’s the best city in Latin America for daygame since the girls are the most attractive, and it has an urban, pedestrian area for shopping and bars. I’m happy to take suggestions here, but mind that I like my girls slim and Latin America tends towards the thicc type.

Once I get through tax season in the US and my Schengen tourist visa clears, I’ll head out to Eastern Europe. Between the 90 days over 180 days rule, I plan to split my time between Belgrade, Prague, Budapest, Bucharest and Warsaw.

If I notice more cultural differences in the daygame, I’ll put together a post that breaks down my stats by city. Maybe even another one by year to track my progress in the journey. I have some ideas of what my end game to all this is, but for the now, I’m still learning a lot about myself, psychology, sex and women–and I can’t progress to the next stage of my life until I really have those things sorted.

Until then, cheers.

1. See RawDog and Lee Cho.