Breeze vs Kid Anxiety

It was spring 2015, about a year after my live-in girlfriend of four years broke up with me. Though I’d had a handful of dates using OkCupid and Coffee Meets Bagel, I didn’t get any lays. I was deeply blue-pilled. I sold myself as the emotionally-available nice guy. Someone reliable, predictable, bland–i.e. pussy repellant. I knew I was missing something, so I looked up Mystery’s old pick-up company, LoveSystems, for resources. The details are a bit obscure, but I believe soon after The Game was published Nick Savoy took over and Mystery moved on. They have an e-book on daygame called Daytime Dating; it’s quite primitive compared to today’s standards, but at least it was a plan. In addition to the approach, it also had some tips for running the date.

So with a game plan in hand for Denim Shorts, I was ready to fill up her Emotional Pyramid¹ with interesting conversation and mastery topics to build up my value in her eyes.

For months, after reading LoveSystems materials, I would get knots in my stomach when a cutie with a patootie passed me by, whether in a coffee shop, in a mall, on the streets or anywhere else I was about knowing that it was within the realm of possibility for my to talk to her, get her number, take her out and girlfriend her². Untying those knots are the barrier to daygame entry. On the day I saw Denim Shorts, I happened to be heading back from a run around my neighborhood. Adrenaline was pumping through my veins, enough so that when I did spot her I wasn’t held back by anxiety.

Is the way for guys to defeat AA simply then to pump up their state through physical exertion before approaching? Not at all. It’s unsustainable and artificial. It keeps you from living in the moment and focusing on the skill set. Stateless game is far superior to temporary Booster Packs.

Anyway, I walked up behind her and gently tapped her inner elbow so that she had to turn around to see me. I can’t remember the exact words, but it was something along the lines of “you’re cute, so I wanted to say hi.” She smiled, bigly! She responded with something like “oh thank you! I’m actually on my way to lunch with my boyfriend. But you should do this to other girls!” So all that preparation for guiding a seductive conversation went to waste! On the other hand, I loved the encouragement of her response. I may have approached once or twice more in the next few months.

I spent the next year in Singapore where I did 30 approaches, 15 of which I did with a coach. I got about 10 numbers and a date–ratios that are about 3x what I’m getting in NYC now, despite having done some 500 approaches.

It would be three years before I approached again, and AA came back with a vengeance. I defeated AA the second time in a much different manner, in a way that I believe is sustainable and reproducible to anyone else struggling with AA. Here’s what I did:

1. Watched infields of guys who know what they’re doing. Check out some of daygame videos under Resources.
2. I also found a good number of blog posts that helped me deal with AA in terms of understanding the challenges that lay ahead with daygame. Nash’s writing in particular was hugely inspiring to me around this time (and still is).
   • The initial pain a beginner will feel – Nash
   • The first 100 approaches (don’t be afraid to “annoy” girls, let them walk away if they’re not interested) – Nash
   • Getting WTF looks when you approach – Nash
   • Blowout artist (one of my favorites) – Nash
   • Rejection and ping ranges – Krauser
   • 10 invisible barriers to daygame – Krauser
3. I realized the source of my AA was heavily due to the Spotlight effect. People have different reason for suffering AA, and it will change over time. If you can identify it, you can come up with a plan to defeat it. In my case, I was afraid of the embarrassment from Joe Schmo laughing at my poor game and subsequent rejection. Once I realized this was the issue, I started to walk what would become my daygame route. I did this on the weekends for four straight weeks, telling myself “I’ll approach if I feel it” without putting pressure on myself. The point of this exercise was to ultimately prove that I wouldn’t see the same faces again. I would spot maybe 5 attractive girls per walk and never see them the next day or week–or ever again; so if I’m playing this game of spotting people intently and not seeing them again, imagine what it’s like for a stranger. Even if they see a blowout, a rejection or shit game in front of them, they’ll never see me again. Mr. V likes to call everyone on the street that’s not a daygamer or cute girl a NPC (non-playable character). Accurate.
4. Now for the X factor. I started training jiu jitsu in early 2019. I was hitting it hard, 3 a week minimum. Sometimes 4, sometimes 5. After 2 months, the coaches let me spar. After another month, the blue belts would give me a round and inevitable put me in a choke. Before every roll, I knew I would get caught, but I was never scared. I trusted my partners, and they were kind despite their dominance in the gym. They could literally kill me within 90 seconds³ yet there was no fear in my heart when I stepped onto the mat with a higher level belt. So why was I afraid to talk to a girl? Telling myself that, along with proving to myself that the Spotlight effect was a nonsense, ultimately pushed me back into approaching⁴.

I briefly wrote about that open in the Boston spring of 2019 in my second ever blog post, where I used a librarian tease but had no stack to follow up with. I’ve since learned to die by the sword stack!

Okay, great. So we’re done with AA, right?

Nope!

That shit is the gift that just keeps on giving.

Whatever caused my AA at the beginning is different from the source that causes it these days. I think it’s a combination of factors, from fear of rejection, not knowing what to say, the lingering hesitation due to the Spotlight effect, to just not being in the right mood. When I’m with a wing, usually our joint vibe helps me naturally circumvent AA but when I’m solo I found that a sequential list of micro actions is necessary to get me in front of the girl.

Here’s my approach to approaching:

1. Find the girl – Simple enough. Wander the streets and keep your eyes peeled for a feminine female that strikes your fancy.
2. Back track – Turn around and walk behind her, collecting your nerves.
3. Brainstorm the tease – By far the hardest part for me. Not just the tease, but also the follow through stack. What I found is that you don’t want to overthink it, otherwise it will come across as pre-planned and mechanical. On the other hand, it helps when you have something unique to open with. I’m also working on a couple of default teases/stacks. What works in NYC may not work elsewhere and vice versa. Mr. V is an excellent wing when it comes to this stage; I often draw upon his wit for inspiration⁵.
4. Wait for space to open up – I see most advice directed at beginners is to “just approach” to kill their AA. But when they end up opening in awkward and low-probability scenarios, they just end up building negative reference experience. After doing enough sets, most guys probably don’t think about the physical logistics of opening, but they surely won’t open a girl just as she’s crossing a street, or waiting at the crosswalk for the red man to turn green, or when there’s no space in front of her so he’s forced to do a weaker side stop instead of a full on front stop, or when there’s an ambulance/police siren screaming down the street that would mask his voice. So, have a small bit of patience and wait for that opening. The caveat is that you’ll lose some girls as they dip into stores, so you have to strike a balance between running the side stop and waiting for a more opportune opportunity.
5. Wheel of fortune⁶ – Do the front stop! This is the point of no return for most people and most sets. When your feet start moving, there’s a 95% chance you’ll follow through with the open. Wheel around her with 2-3 feet of distance by her side. As you’re passing her 3/9 walk about twice as fast as she is and make some noise–“hey, excuse me”–to grab her attention. Ideally she looks at you and follows your eyes as you complete the wheel in front of her, but in NYC most girls won’t look at you until you’re dead center in their trajectory forward. Now you’re ready to deliver your opener. I go with a standard “I just saw you passing by over there” while I point behind her with my arm raised to the level of her eyes and continue “and I thought, maybe underneath that mask⁷, you may be a bit cute, so I wanted to say hi”. Then follow up with the tease.

If you’re new, I recommend visualizing the process, then understand that what you expect is unlikely to happen when you actually open. A guy approaching for first few times just won’t have the reference experience.

For guys who have a good number of sets under their belt, but who need to shake off the cobwebs, play some virtual daygame to get the juices flowing⁸.

1. No, this is not a metaphor for her vagina. It describes the primary teaching tool of Love Systems.
2. I was too blue-pilled at the time to admit I really just wanted to be a man slut.
3. If you’ve never trained jiu-jitsu before, understand that this is not an exaggeration.
4. I stopped training in summer 2019 due to some minors injuries, which have subsided since I started lifting.
5. i.e. I steal his lines.
6. I believe it was Tom Torero who coined this phrase. It has a double meaning, that refers to the “wheel” you trace as you run the front stop and the fact that when you go for an open, you really don’t know how the interaction will unfold.
7. The LDM with a spritz of COVID.
8. to get her juices flowing!